I have no memory of who I once was and I don't remember your name. I remember crying over you, but I'm a better woman for having gone through. I don't need words to say what I mean, I don't remember your name.
Friday
Monday
Lil' Bit of Fun, but only a lil' bit...
Some Video from the Trampled by Turtles show!
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| Bassist from Larry and his Flask came into the crowd with us! |
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| Trampled by Turtles! |
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| Trampled by Turtles! |
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| Come up! Thanks Charlie! |
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| Hesitant? |
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| Sassys strip. duh what else do we ever do? and EXTRA large Bud light.. not so common. |
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| She's a button maker! |
Friday
Ready to get Trampled
Goodmorning! A beautiful day and were headed to Portland for Trampled by Turtles!
I slept with a jar of pickles last night... luckily the lid was on.
Spring term study
Finishing up a paper in the sun! It's not so bad with the birds singing and the hum of the windchime bells.
Thursday
It Was Somehow Unique
I was told to think about the place where my head needs no body and my body needs no brain, as it slips into comfortable, a place where it belongs, a place that holds me as much as I hold it.
Giant Burger was our Central Perk. A place in which you instinctively know the order in which to do things. I can fully feel the plastic covered wood benches and the slippery glossed wooden tables as we stack Ketchup, our ears perked like dogs awaiting our names over the speaker. Still, I can hear the voices of the ghosts our memories have become. The grease still settles in the paper burger wrapping. The fountain soda tastes the same, cold quenching my throat. Yet the bodies whom surround me are hollow unlike ours were. Our hair isn't wet and tangled with the river and our cars aren't lined out front. New bodies replace the booths where we sat. Yet, it still brings me home, because truly, the only thing that has really changed here is me.
Giant Burger was our Central Perk. A place in which you instinctively know the order in which to do things. I can fully feel the plastic covered wood benches and the slippery glossed wooden tables as we stack Ketchup, our ears perked like dogs awaiting our names over the speaker. Still, I can hear the voices of the ghosts our memories have become. The grease still settles in the paper burger wrapping. The fountain soda tastes the same, cold quenching my throat. Yet the bodies whom surround me are hollow unlike ours were. Our hair isn't wet and tangled with the river and our cars aren't lined out front. New bodies replace the booths where we sat. Yet, it still brings me home, because truly, the only thing that has really changed here is me.
Wednesday
Speaking Like Am Immigrant
Daylight changed without you.The weather got colder; it rained, the sun came out, wet newspaper dried on the street corner, pigeons fluttered about the park, children squealed on the sidewalk wearing witch faces and pumpkin heads, half-eaten candy apples melted on their sleeves… Another day went by.Your side of the bed got rumpled, too, I borrowed your pillow, whispered your name, opened the window and blew out the dust, tilted the lamp shade, breathed in the twilight…I noticed the sounds of leaves rustling of trains approaching underground, of [men] laughing a little like you. I conjured up your face and traced your lips in the air, thinking, your absence is different now. There’s no anxiety only discomfort, a stillness about every-thing-time doesn’t move the same way. My thoughts are quieter…What frightens me is knowing this is how it [is now that you're] really gone, leaving my skin slowly, carving out the time, until I finally feel your absence surrounding me like mist, taking shape, like the depth of your eyes and the scent of your body
-- Romo-Carmona
Tuesday
Is there anything I'm going to miss? A short testimony to my worth:
only now nothing is spoken.
Total:
Signature:
I'm good. I'm gone.
the burning cigarette that catches your breath, the candle's flickered, flickered flame pouring over the bed.
"you look prettier when you laugh"...
"you look better, your bangs have gotten longer"...
"how's your mom?"
Total:
$8.00
Signature:
X___Lover of Love ___
I'm good. I'm gone.
and the answer is.. not likely... not with that goodbye.
I would kiss you on the mouth in a safe house
And I can't help it if it's over babe
You can't help it, though you tried
Your poor little soul is wearing pretty thin
It's a bitch, ain't it babe
To live while you're young
I'm crushed that the world turned over so soon
You can't help it, though you tried
Your poor little soul is wearing pretty thin
It's a bitch, ain't it babe
To live while you're young
I'm crushed that the world turned over so soon
Monday
A space where ghosts don't go..
Of course I miss, it's a hard thing to resist missing summer, just because it's when we knew each other best.
There was you, there was me and all of the guests.You asked if we should sleep without the sheets and I said "yes, why not? let's." My eyes nodding to affirm your request.
I like how I remember feeling your body move through my dress, but where our bodies once laid, now our shadows rest.
I miss the fighter in the basement, and making the room a mess.
I miss thinking I wasn't misused.
I guess I missed it all.. so, I guess I lose.
Enough's enough.
I regret every little thing I ever said, I said those things too softly.
I used to like the lies when they were the truth, because you said whatever you wanted to as long as you thought it should be true.
When loving someone goes to waste, your past becomes the proof that anyone you've ever loved has always been replaced.
As for now, if it weren't for my sentimental heart I could forget my effort. I did bring the past home, I told you I'd forgotten it, but the truth within my lie is that the images remain. The box of memories in my head is just the same.
I know I left you because we need to be apart, but it was because you always put you first and I think that's what will always break your heart.
We know what is good love, and it's not one another. There is a better love, an awareness I've been granted after all the stupid things we've done.
This is for the outer space. The plantation where we will never be and never could have been. The space where I belong and you can't go.
There was you, there was me and all of the guests.You asked if we should sleep without the sheets and I said "yes, why not? let's." My eyes nodding to affirm your request.
I like how I remember feeling your body move through my dress, but where our bodies once laid, now our shadows rest.
I miss the fighter in the basement, and making the room a mess.
I miss thinking I wasn't misused.
I guess I missed it all.. so, I guess I lose.
Enough's enough.
I regret every little thing I ever said, I said those things too softly.
I used to like the lies when they were the truth, because you said whatever you wanted to as long as you thought it should be true.
When loving someone goes to waste, your past becomes the proof that anyone you've ever loved has always been replaced.
As for now, if it weren't for my sentimental heart I could forget my effort. I did bring the past home, I told you I'd forgotten it, but the truth within my lie is that the images remain. The box of memories in my head is just the same.
I know I left you because we need to be apart, but it was because you always put you first and I think that's what will always break your heart.
We know what is good love, and it's not one another. There is a better love, an awareness I've been granted after all the stupid things we've done.
This is for the outer space. The plantation where we will never be and never could have been. The space where I belong and you can't go.
Thursday
MirFuzz,
I am so grateful for Mr. Fain Mcgough, because of him I have the most beautiful friend/soul sister/ confidant/main squeeze/best friend in the world. You inspire me with your beauty and grace. Your laughter and its infectious ways has a hold on me like I hope to someday have on a lover. Your warmth and understanding has guided and kept me when I honestly felt more lost than I thought possible. No amount of miles can separate the love that keeps our friendship alive, no amount of time can affect the effortless connection and honest relationship that we have built. You make me want to dance, to make mistakes worth making, and live more truly and content as the person I am. I would share you with a boyfriend again in another life if it meant gaining you as a friend. I hope tonight, tomorrow and the rest of your life you dance, sing and make the room colorful as you always do. The world is a prettier place because of you (cheesy but oh-so-fucking-true). I love you, since September 2003 till I kick the bucket and you swing your legs. Happy Birthday sex kitten! I miss you!
Business
I just don't believe in making business decisions about love, "It's good for me, he treats me well," I'd rather make a poor man's decision to have the lesser and still have it all.
Tied Down Kind of Girl
Four years ago I was in a bathroom in a basement, lights outside, rushed to legacy.
A year ago I was in a black and white bed tapering his hair with my finger tips, feeling the skin on his stomach as his eyes traced the corners of my hips. Laughing on the kitchen counter over a spliff and the constant argument of Jiff versus Skippy. You always loved Skippy. I cleaned the dishes in the sink, I folded your clothes and got into bed. Waking up early to let kitty in. A black and white comforter covering your bone skinny body, that straight tooth smile, I knew I would break it.
I feel like it all happened within ten minutes, from the moment you got home from Hawaii, we had a minute in my apartment and then we were on the hill, but it wasn't us together, it was me dancing alone to the beat of the drum. I craved it, that feeling of being without, of being taken and being seduced by freedom. You left me, you went back. I dare not leave the only place where I find my true escape.
I never told you.. I ran my fingers up his back, I drew stars and hearts on his skin with my hands.
It happened without warning, the quick manner in which he grabbed my face and kissed me.
I left you in anger and found him in repose. I needed someone who wanted my fire, the deep yearning desire to fulfill someone with everything I am.
I never looked back.
That feeling up my spine, the dark bar and the loud music. He asked me to follow, to get in the van, I sat on the front steps listening to music I was so confused, within hours you went from being my world to being my deepest kept regret.
He did what you never could.
He would listen to me as I talked about the smell of the rain on the pavement, how it smelled when I was little. He hugged me as he inhaled his cigarette, I could feel his heart jumping through his shirt, through my skin, on those warm July nights.
We wrapped ourself in the comforter out front in the chair, smoking cigarettes and whispering until we retired to be tangled limbs in his soft room.
I know the curve of his body because I'd watch it when he walked, he was the life of the party, always showing off. I'd shine my crooked smile behind my messy hair, and he'd grab me and breathe me in. The smell of salty summer skin, the taste of smoke on his bottom lip. If it was all a joke, I was laughing.
I loved his handshake meeting my father, the sound of old paint on farm houses, the taste of tea and the sound of bees. Or how he would kiss me when I was in the middle of saying...
I'll never be a tied down girl
A year ago I was in a black and white bed tapering his hair with my finger tips, feeling the skin on his stomach as his eyes traced the corners of my hips. Laughing on the kitchen counter over a spliff and the constant argument of Jiff versus Skippy. You always loved Skippy. I cleaned the dishes in the sink, I folded your clothes and got into bed. Waking up early to let kitty in. A black and white comforter covering your bone skinny body, that straight tooth smile, I knew I would break it.
I feel like it all happened within ten minutes, from the moment you got home from Hawaii, we had a minute in my apartment and then we were on the hill, but it wasn't us together, it was me dancing alone to the beat of the drum. I craved it, that feeling of being without, of being taken and being seduced by freedom. You left me, you went back. I dare not leave the only place where I find my true escape.
I never told you.. I ran my fingers up his back, I drew stars and hearts on his skin with my hands.
It happened without warning, the quick manner in which he grabbed my face and kissed me.
I left you in anger and found him in repose. I needed someone who wanted my fire, the deep yearning desire to fulfill someone with everything I am.
I never looked back.
That feeling up my spine, the dark bar and the loud music. He asked me to follow, to get in the van, I sat on the front steps listening to music I was so confused, within hours you went from being my world to being my deepest kept regret.
He did what you never could.
He would listen to me as I talked about the smell of the rain on the pavement, how it smelled when I was little. He hugged me as he inhaled his cigarette, I could feel his heart jumping through his shirt, through my skin, on those warm July nights.
We wrapped ourself in the comforter out front in the chair, smoking cigarettes and whispering until we retired to be tangled limbs in his soft room.
I know the curve of his body because I'd watch it when he walked, he was the life of the party, always showing off. I'd shine my crooked smile behind my messy hair, and he'd grab me and breathe me in. The smell of salty summer skin, the taste of smoke on his bottom lip. If it was all a joke, I was laughing.
I loved his handshake meeting my father, the sound of old paint on farm houses, the taste of tea and the sound of bees. Or how he would kiss me when I was in the middle of saying...
I'll never be a tied down girl
don't make plans
I remember when I listened to that song, thinking of you in your brightest of shades, and when the lights went down there you were, a golden face and a heart so red I could feel mine race.
if I ever left this town
I'd never settle down
I'd just be wandering around
if I ever left this town..
if I wasn't by your side
I'd never be satisfied
nothing would feel just right
if I wasn't by your side
cause I'm not easy to understand
but you know me like the back of your hand
but I know you like the back of my hand
you've got a heart of gold and a piece of land
I'll be your girl if you'll be my man
if I ever left this town
I'd never settle down
I'd just be wandering around
if I ever left this town..
if I wasn't by your side
I'd never be satisfied
nothing would feel just right
if I wasn't by your side
cause I'm not easy to understand
but you know me like the back of your hand
but I know you like the back of my hand
you've got a heart of gold and a piece of land
I'll be your girl if you'll be my man
Friday
On the Roof.
a vivid image of me on the roof as you begged me to come down and kiss you. those brown shoulders. my bare feet.
It's sunny where I am.
your fingers shifting my sundress, my legs hugging your waist.
I need nothing from you except your warm brown freckled shoulders.
It's sunny where I am.
your fingers shifting my sundress, my legs hugging your waist.
I need nothing from you except your warm brown freckled shoulders.
Thursday
Spring Broke 2011.. the other half...
Well well well.. it is a week and a half later and I have finally recovered, hold for the consistent adolescent lifestyle I live down here.. but what happened the rest of the time over Spring Break?? Digital scrap-booking from my terrible remembery factory.. I'm concerned because it definitely broke down..
Normal Tuesday at East Burn that I lovingly attended after shots and brews at the Green Dragon.. Karaoke at Chopsticks, which some of us faintly remember.. thank god our fourtet singalong to 5o Ways to Leave Your Lover wasn't recorded.. then it was a long drive home with Richard to LO but I remember very much enjoying his company as we bla bla blabbed... hmmm.. what else?
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| Karaoke to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" Half Mast |
Welp I sure know that I went to the beach with my bestest friend/ sister Aboo.. as for what I don't remember due to us finishing an entire fifth between the two of us... you can watch my own demise...
The saddest and best part.. there are about 8 more of these videos.. different genre every time...
Then I took a drunk shower.. and then I sat outside in the grass..
some photo scrap-booking:
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| That's disgustingly gross, but so well prepared! |
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| Jellyfishin Jellyfishin! |
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| Bunnies EVERYWHERE! |
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| Aboo! |
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| haystack |
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| Red Cup+ Wind= No more adult drink |
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| Dancin on a cliff to doom |
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| HA! cross eyed betty |
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| Boo cruelly took pictures of my dancing.. blacked out. smush face, very attractive. |
Unfortunately with a hangover and sandy boots, we had to go home..
I went home to a fun dinner, amazing blazer game seats and a win, beautiful view from The Nines...
Then to the mountain.. which turned into a night of camping and icing Josh repeatedly.. oh it never gets old.
Yeah that wasn't so hot as far as memory goes.. but I suppose it got the job done.
Oh wait.. Then Sunday night in good fun before the first day of my last term of school, I went out to celebrate my wonderful friend's (who I will leave unnamed) birthday.. Watch this.. it is called hit or miss, three shots vodka, three shots water.. no order involved. It is like murder on a 21st birthday.. they did this to him twice in a row..
btw: I had no part in this birthday boy.. except for harshly recording this..
Tuesday
Spring Breaka My Banka
Spring Break 2011 thus far has been a little bit overwhelming.. what was supposed to be spent in bed sleeping every hour of the day away is now consumed by constantly being busy and having things to do! I don't want to complain though because I am young and full of energy, and it has been well worth it! I have met new friends, seen old ones, saw an amazing concert, regurgitated whiskey, went to sleep at 8 am.. more than once. saw three lambs come into the world (very gooey and not quite how I had always imagined it), saw a big very bright moon, ate spumoni, and finally slept in until 1! Now the rest of the break starts.. two dollar pints, the beach, the mountain, (sleep somewhere in between), and buying my very first shake weight! ha... joke.
some pictures and video (VERY limited) of spring breaka my banka so far:
some pictures and video (VERY limited) of spring breaka my banka so far:
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| on one of the early morning/late nights after Girl Talk we went to the top of Mt. Tabor park and watched the city wake up, and the weird early morning joggers (psychos) (picture blurry baaad) |
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| first climb attempt |
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| enlisted Josh for help |
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| mini man ladder |
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| feelin so cool. he would have stayed there all morning it seemed WATCH MY PHONE FAIL AT GIRL TALK.. IT IS PRICELESS!!! Yay for GIRL TALK on ST. PAT's! Best Night... |
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