Colder Weather

"You're a ramblin' man,

 You aint ever gonna change,

you've got a gypsy soul to blame,

and you were born for leaving."

"Well it's a winding road when you're in the lost and found

You're a lover, I'm a runner,

and we go round and round

and I love you but I leave you

I dont want you but I need you

but, you know it's you who calls me back here"

--Zac Brown Band

Presidents are assholes

Long long weekend.. but not long enough! Last night got home from work and the boys were still lurkin! As I had originally thought I was too tired I suppose I was very wrong... played drinking card games for hours and then burrito boy had the best of us.. successful night of the same old thing!


and yet... what's my conclusion? I love my mother ducking friends.. couldn't be luckier. couldn't be happier.

Hammock Time

I think its time to make the hammocks swing... spring time! Which means that summer has got her ticket and is ready to board!

Sleep in the middle

Lost inside my head, looking at the empty side of my bed. I feel this all without you, I keep thinking because I don't want to lose what I loved about you. I've got all this space now, space that you once occupied even when you were gone. It's all mine now, this world that I was so accustomed to sharing with you..
You were something else I will admit. I remember what you told me, which now I wish only to forget.
Standing in the cold sun, smoking quiet cigarettes. It was just before I let you down. It's funny how a heart shatters all at once, it seems like it should make a sound. 


I suppose I lost the will to fight. I guess it's because I didn't have the time to get it straight in my mind, to catch up and see that I was blind. I wish I was wrong, and still I write.


It seems we always recognize love after the fact. We did what we did, and that was that.
I would say that I'm sorry if it would do any good, but to never regret means that you have to forget, and I don't think that I could..


Lately mornings are always like the morning after, clothes from bodies that make naked, yet it's always me alone before and thereafter.
There is a world of people somewhere else out there, following their bliss, living easy getting kissed. 


I found the coins you gave me when we were first in bloom, when I thought that you might save me, but I was wrong to assume. We were always walking, and then your bed and our sparks became a flume. We never did stop talking, and still when you enter, you light up the room.


Now every morning is like the one before, my clothes without yours lay unwanted on the floor. But in our friendship I wish for you to be my youth, to be my wait until, to be the truth and the laugh that fulfill.


I breathe through it, I write a list of my desires, I make a toast, I make a wish, I slash tires and I paint a heart repeating..


I could think of a million ways you proved you weren't the one. So, you keep your lonely heart and never mind taking part.

Crystal Castles

Roseland Theatre, Sunday, 3. 6. 2011

A dude walks on stage and gets everyone to quiet down, he then announces that Alice has broken her ankle and the doctor has advised her to not continue the tour...to which Alice replied: "FUCK THAT!"..  ... and so the show started. Honestly it was one of the best concerts I have seen in a long time, the creativity of it all was refreshing. Not once was Alice spotlighted on stage, instead the audience captured her through the flashing lights, dancing and moving like a mad woman with a casted broken ankle and a crutch! She would fall into the crowd and sing at them on top of someone's shoulders. Alice Glass is by far one of the most captivating performers I have ever seen. ah if only to relive it again, right now.

---> A video I took on my phone from the balcony, it does not do the sound or Alice justice, but it is nostalgic:

All men kill the thing they love-- Oscar Wilde

do you remember the times? in the river kissing, sitting on a drum in the back room, in the bathroom at the bar, around the corner as the brick watched us fade and collide. memories run like clips from old movies. 

the scene when I pulled in at the farm and you were in the field with my father, I walked through the tall grass in that red dress, and something inside of you melted. or the clip of us there in the pool over fourth of july weekend, with my feet in the water I sat top-less on the side, my wet hair sticking to my shoulders, exhaling smoke with a smile as you stood in the water between my legs.

wild and unpredictable, like that weekend we went to van. when we got lost in seattle and got found at the needle. the clip is only fifteen seconds, we're at the top drunk and smoking, pointing at the city like a map of where we were going next. remembering you watch me as I danced at the gay bar in capitol hill, you sat against the wall and smiled. then when you took my hand, we were leaving, smoking, calling the cab... fast forward as our driver takes us to the marina, stripping down and laughing, I watch you escape naked, into the puget sound. 

hungover and unmotivated we were back on the road. images. dressing in the van with the windows down. pulling me towards you to kiss at 70 miles an hour. my feet out the window, my cigarettes on the dash, the sun seducing my skin, and from behind my sunglasses I watched you sing. 

or the clip in the parking garage on my 22nd birthday, an hour late, a little high, and a drunk kiss against the cement as drunk wanderers walked by and whistled.

that's what my past is, moving images of time. I wish there was sound, I wish they kept their smell, I wish they didn't keep losing color.  I can't help but try to touch them, the images of your hands in my hair, your freckled wet skin in the water, the hair on your chest under my fingers in the hot mornings as my lips mapped a road between your stomach and the pulse on your neck.

the images.

did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

you killed the thing you love. the girl with her hair in a mess with her head on your chest, the barefoot girl with a summer smile, with no makeup on swimming in the wild, the girl who could make you laugh when she didn't know she was being funny, the girl who was there when everyone else failed.

the girl is still barefoot, dancing in her red dress. 

you killed the memories, you didn't kill me.

Fly Away

You came with the season as the first swallow sang, a blonde headed stranger with a five letter name. We planted our kisses where the wild berries grow, my feet sprouted wings and I flew all the way home, my cheeks red like fire engines racing straight to the heat of your skin.


I knew our days were numbered, I'm a bird of the summer, and I'll fly south just as the fall begins.


The leaves changed their color and the school yards were filled, my coat with the patches barely keeps out the chill. 


I wish it were warmer and I hope you're the same.


The fields where we wandered were golden, and now they only muddy my boots. And I know I should recover, I'm a bird of the summer, you were wrong to try to capture me.


I met someone walking in the park by the lake, he don't fly like you did, but he don't fly away. Gone is the pale hand of winter, here is the first flush of may, and soon you will discover whether birds of the summer fly in circles or just fly away...

Goyles Slumba Pawty

It has been years since I have had a legit slumber party! Last Friday some of the best girls got together and got pretty drunk.. or actually too drunk for words. Two bottles of red wine and almost a whole fifth of vodka.. I am not the least bit surprised of the following digital scrapbooking photos.. YIKES!

It started to turn into something real messy after the glass of wine at the Oswego Grill when we went to pick up Mar and watched a very exciting Blazer game.. then it was back to the apartment.. and that's where I can't even begin to explain the turn of events! 

Michael Jackson got us so good that somehow we decided we would dress like Tom Cruise in Risky Business and then gel Minker's hair like in Something About Mary but substituted lots of hairspray and gel for that which we women can't rightly supply.. 

Then somewhere after that the game Airplane started because m.bee convinced us she had the strongest legs for little me and B... it got dangerous but we did have some success! 

and then... "BOOM BOOM BOOM" a knock at the door... we had officially gotten the cops called on us. It felt like high school, except for the fact that I am 22.. I walk outside to greet officer "Nofuss" (after putting my jeans on of course) and it reeked of weed.. I was so confused...

B came out with me and the officer told us to quiet down, she called him by the wrong name, giggled and then he gave her a warning.. which was followed up by him telling us that he smelled like a skunk because he hit one with his car on the way over.. 

yeah.. you were definitely hitting some skunk on the way over officer.. wink wink.

But really the humor of it all was just too much!

Mink, B and I finished our night at Sharis at 5 in the morning shouting to the guys at the table next to ours (they were having a business meeting). totally appropriate. so much greasy food, some giggles, and then a warm bed that I could not pull myself out of in the morning. 

All in all it was a great success for my first slumber party since middle school, and totally legal might I add.. except for our excessive volume..

Pants off Dance Off

B getting annihilated 

so not drunk

Airplane Success!

and Airplane un-sucessful.. Guess I'm just better..

Mar is not pictured because she was the photographer apparently... Ah!

Thirty Two Degrees and Trashed

Hmmm yesterday... I have no idea what to say..


EXCEPT... I love my friends.


that's it. that's all.

The picture is worth more than a caption could ever try

Could you just never leave?

I'll pick your nose for ya

Day Drinkers

Do a Little Jig for meh!

BOOTS!

another Tactics Thrashin Thursday!

Haha Phillip!

stickkyy

Snow days

It is the perfect way to wake up! Now I'm really counting on my one class today to get ducked! So in hopes for this outcome.. hot totties, bacon and play time with the bloc!


Oh, and alcohol in wintery beverages, before noon, ON A SNOW DAY is totally justified and does not mean I have a problem.

You'll never get out.

I can't get out. You might get away with it, you might escape, but for me it's a risk.


He's says: Don't think. Its not the end. You're the first, you've got me, you've had me. With words, with the years, with the smiles from across the pub.


Never let them make you feel like that was it, never let them make you doubt. It's never ending. But, I'm sorry little one, you'll never find your way out.


Into the great unknown. I've gotten out.

thank you....

This doesn't mean anything to you, but it means something to me. So I shall toast myself (as I normally do when I blog), but really I toast to you, those who care to click the links, those who follow, those who are curious, those who stumbled by accident. Thank you, this is  the number of views I have gotten in such a little amount of time. Thank you. I really mean it. This is to you, for what you may be feeling, for what you may be writing, for what you may want to say but can't, for those of you who say it because you can, for those of you who don't want to read it, or don't give a damn... and for those that do, this is for you.


But, really, this blog is for me. I just like to share.

In Repose

So much convincing, it's really not that hard. You go on, and I'll be happier..


You'd like to convince me that I'd be better off.. But really you go on.. and I'll be happier!


I know you want this suffering to end, and so it is forgivable my friend. It's all to convince me that I'll be better off..


so, you go on..I'll be happier..


We all just need the comfort of knowing someone is there when it's all gone, and I've got the world, while you've got the room. 
I've got the smile, I've got the laugh, I've got the dance and I've got the better off..

Ticking

Everyday, Every Year, Every Birthday, Every Death, Every Storm, Every Waiting Line, Every Meal, Every Toast, Every Kiss, Every Test, Every Term, Every Shift, Every Shower, Every Good Day, Every Bad Day, Every Anniversary, And Even In The End.. It's All About Time..

We can try to avoid it or ignore it, but its still moving on with or without us. With the acceptance of it, we can reassure ourselves that it's only a matter of time.

This too shall pass.

Friendships grow, fail, and get hard but it's time that shows us what they are. We are the movers of time, we are what makes time relevant, so make the most of every minute, every kiss, every goodbye, every hello, because sometimes you don't get another chance.

Princess Pawty

The Facebook album ran out of room.. so I shall put the ones that didn't make the original cut, or just didn't upload on here.. so check it..

Oh Excite!

I woke up today and didn't have the courage or want to get out of bed.. and then, I opened my eyes and was aware of the warmth across my arms! The sun is back! It is still cold enough to snow at the mountain perhaps but it is sunny in Eugene and I am happy as can be! I am not happy as a clam, because clams can't possibly be happy.. considering they are stuck in a shell and smell really bad.. 

mmmm sweet sunshine, let me bring back my dresses and shoes that aren't so claustrophobic!

I'm ready for the days of dancing in the front lawn with cold beer, feeling the grass and pavement under my barefeet, and the swishing of my skirt against my knees! I am even ready for the itching of allergies and the uncomfortable wet bikini bottoms dirtied with sand from the river.. I have come down with spring fever...

OH EXCITE!

From a Bomb in a Birdcage

come here, oh, closer to touch, never enough,

let me climb under your skin, oh let me in.

from your lips a precipice 

I hang from every word

I want to keep you fed.

I want to pick you up, I don't care what time, I want to drive real fast to some place in town. I want to  stress you out, I want to make things hard. I want to take your hand, I want to leave this bar. I want to wake you up on a driving train that has led its tracks inside my brain. I want to take you home, I want to feel my age. I want to freak you out on a different stage. I want to show my teeth, I want to keep you fed. I want to get you drunk and let it go to your head. I want to be unique, I want to be your kind. I want to make you hate me and then change your mind. I want to wear a skirt. I want to make mistakes. I want to kill you first and then take your name. I want to tear you apart, I want to make your bed. I want to break your heart, I want to break your head.


So, I guess this means we can't be friends.