better left said

So late, so early.

I know I don't have a choice, it may appear that way, but I know the truth. I know that I am invested.

My only fear is that I will lose touch. I'm not one to stay on board a ship for very long, because they always sink. This is the first ship I've ever been on that has left the harbor. I want to try it out, I can't promise anything except that I know who I am. I know that I am sensitive, I know that I like certainty, like that reliability which insures we will still be tomorrow. 

I don't want to be a worn out record, so please don't play me. especially because I trust you.

I hate when guys know a girl deserves more, and so they set her free. If that's not an excuse and if you ever truly feel that I deserve more: don't mention it. don't worry about it. don't give up for it. just realize that you possess what needs to change, and be the man you think a woman would like to remember. But, if you are going to use "you deserve better" as a way out, don't say it, because before that point I had most likely already come to that conclusion. so don't ninja fuck my mind with shit I already know. If you want out, get out. 

Try to protect me with honesty, the truth is never wasted. Your affection will never fail at keeping me quiet. If you do stand to hurt me without warning, you will be sorely disappointed by my lack of forgiveness. Maybe it's because I'm really cold, but I wont come back. I'm not accustomed to being taken care of, I'm much better at being alone.

I never wanted to be that way. 

In fact, I like being a lover. I like being yours. I like watching you chase your dreams. but if I can only love you quietly, then I need compromise... i need you to be soft in my moments of weakness.